i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
