Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
