Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize