I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
