ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
