ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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