apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
