so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
