I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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