Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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