I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize