I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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