is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
