He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
