Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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