Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You smell like stripper and shame
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
