I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
