She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
