Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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