If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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