I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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