I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
