Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
