So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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