2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
