The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
