we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
