She said her name was "party"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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