afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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