I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
