Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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