i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
