dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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