So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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