At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
