can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
