So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
