the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Drunk is not a location!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
