I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
