Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
