Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
