I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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