If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
