You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
