Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
