considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In other news, I just burned my penis
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
