Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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