The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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