Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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