I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Screwed.edu
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
