don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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