You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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