Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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