Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
