Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Shame - the story of my life.
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