so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
