Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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