it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
