grandma shit on top of the toilet
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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