Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.