On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.