wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex