Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.