all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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