dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
