i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf