So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?