A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im part way to drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
