guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
