you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
