Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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