NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
