You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
