I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
