ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
