Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
