The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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