i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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