The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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