i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
